Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
