Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
