I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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