yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
