You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
