Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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