the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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