we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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