I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
