we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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