He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
