i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
