We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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