Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
