oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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