i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
