I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
