Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
