3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
id be glad to
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
