i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My bed smells like the plague
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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