i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize