I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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