Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize