He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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