then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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