Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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