GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
