A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
