i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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