Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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