Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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