It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
