This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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