Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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