Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?