Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
