i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
