If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
