home. puking in laundry basket.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
this is an emotional support booty call
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
