My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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