Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
