FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So many bounce houses so little time
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
