I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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