Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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