i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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