He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
