And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
