he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
