1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
