Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dignity is for republicans.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
