we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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