so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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