Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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