I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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