if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
