so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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