Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
