I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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