Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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