but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
