i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize