I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
