I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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