I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
