dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
