That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
either way he was missing a nipple.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
